Loving Our Selves - What is Self-Love?
- Feb 9
- 2 min read
February is often called the month of love, at least according to marketing gurus eager to sell Valentine's Day "must-haves." Jewelry, flowers, cards, and of course, chocolate - the suggestions are endless. You might be tempted to find something special for your partner, a friend, or even yourself.
But wait, how can you be your own Valentine? Actually… how could you not?
In therapy, we often hear that the root of many struggles with mental health is a lack of self-love. The challenge is that most of us were never taught what self-love really means, or how to practice it. So, what is self-love, exactly?
One helpful way to think about it is to recognize that we experience ourselves in four interconnected ways: physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Loving yourself means attending to all four.
Physically
Loving your physical self means listening to your body and responding with care. It includes nourishing yourself with food, movement, and rest - especially noticing when your energy is low and honouring that need rather than pushing through. Do you allow yourself to rest when your body asks for it? Simple acts like taking a warm bath, walking in nature, or sitting quietly with a book and a cup of tea are meaningful ways of telling your body: you matter.
Mentally
How often do you acknowledge your strengths: your intelligence, your resilience, your capacity to think things through and care deeply? Loving your mental self might mean appreciating your accomplishments, recognizing how you support others, or noticing the ways you show up as a thoughtful listener or problem-solver. Taking time to name what you value about yourself can be a powerful act of self-respect.
Emotionally
Loving your emotional self involves honouring your feelings and your character. It means recognizing qualities like honesty, kindness, generosity, and your ability to connect with others. It also means allowing yourself to be vulnerable - to admit when you are struggling, when you need comfort, or when you could use a hug. Our emotional selves are how we connect heart-to-heart with the people around us.
Spiritually
For many people, this aspect of self-love feels the most elusive and yet it may be the most essential. Your spiritual self is the place where you sense connection, meaning, and the quiet knowing that you are not alone. It is where creativity, love, and contentment live. Nurturing your spiritual self often requires slowing down, listening inwardly, and gently quieting the inner voice that says, “I’m not enough.” Practices such as gratitude, reflection, or moments of stillness can help you reconnect with this deeper part of yourself.
Loving yourself is not selfish, indulgent, or something to earn. It is a practice - one that grows with patience, curiosity, and compassion. And perhaps this season of love is an invitation to begin (or continue) treating yourself with the same care you so readily offer others.
If reading this has stirred something in you, such as curiosity, recognition, or even a sense of longing, you don’t have to explore it alone. Therapy can be a supportive space to deepen self-understanding, cultivate self-compassion, and learn how to care for all parts of yourself. If you’re wondering whether counselling might be helpful for you, I invite you to reach out to explore working together.
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